1.   What is Marriage

Marriage can be defined in two completely different contexts: The first and most obvious context is the legal. The legal marriage is only contingent on the two parties ‘marrying’ according to the mandates of the respective State government, and the ‘marriage’ in that case is subject to the governing laws of that State, and entitled to the benefits allowed by the governing laws of that State. If this were the only aspect of a Christian marriage, any disagreement or discrepancy in the laws concerning a matter of marriage could be easily remedied by having a judge rule according to the law. But this is not the only aspect of ‘Christian’ marriage.

A Godly, or true marriage is not defined by State laws, or society’s ethics. A Godly marriage is defined Biblically. So, it stands to reason that in the case of any disagreement or discrepancy concerning marriage we should not consult the State marriage laws, or seek to conform to society’s ethics… but, we should rather seek council from the infallible and inerrant Word of God which is our sole authority in all matters of faith and practice.

The first marriage of mankind is found in Genesis 2:24. “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” This is a ‘God performed’ union of two willing participants; which in this case were Adam and Eve. Eve was created for Adam, and both being in perfect obedience to God at the time, they were both willing to accept the Lord’s will for their lives in the matter. Obviously, as we can see from this passage of scripture, a true marriage requires the hand and the will of God to ‘join’ two lives together to make ‘one flesh’.

2.   The Ceremony

Who then can be considered a candidate for a Christian marriage ceremony? Since the Godly marriage (as stated above) can only be defined Biblically as the sovereign act of God joining two lives together as ‘one flesh’; it stands to reason that the marriage ceremony is nothing of a true marriage, except in a legal sense as the State laws mandate that vows be taken and an officiant perform the ceremony. A marriage ceremony of a Godly marriage can ONLY be considered a ‘celebration’ of the marriage that has already taken place and been ordained by God as the joining together of the two lives.

This is not to say that a ceremony in a Godly Marriage is completely superfluous though. Given the sinful nature of man, the marriage ceremony is absolutely necessary in order to “abstain from the appearance of evil” (1 Thess. 5:22). If a Christian couple believes that God has sanctified them for the purpose of marriage; and God truly has determined them to be joined as ‘one flesh’ they are already married in the sight of God. But all appearance of marriage should be neglected until the marriage ceremony to provide a tangible evidence of that marriage for the purpose of accountability. If there were no marriage ceremony, a man and a woman could “say” they are married for the purpose of fulfilling their flesh’s desires… then afterward claim they were never married and there would be no accountability in the matter.

3.   One Flesh

As was stated above, the marriage is NOT necessarily a ceremony, or a legally binding contractual agreement between a man and a woman; but a true marriage is ONLY an act performed by God Himself to join a man and woman together for the purpose of becoming one flesh. So what does it mean to become “one flesh”? Here we will look at the teachings of Jesus to further clarify the action of God of joining the flesh. In Mark Chapter 10…

Mark 10:2 And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away [his] wife? tempting him.
Mark 10:3 And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you?
Mark 10:4 And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put [her] away.
Mark 10:5 And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept.
Mark 10:6 But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.
Mark 10:7 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;
Mark 10:8 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.

Here we see by the context that Jesus was answering a question concerning the law of Moses on divorcement. The question was intended to tempt Jesus to answer in a way that would cause Him to be accused by the Pharisees. The Pharisees asked Jesus “Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife?” So Jesus answered; “What did Moses command you?”. So the Pharisees reiterated the law of Moses as it pertains to divorce.

It is important to keep in mind that Jesus is answering their question, while at the same time attempting to teach the Pharisees by elucidating the law… but not changing it. Jesus answered in verse 5 that the law of divorcement was given by Moses “for the hardness of your heart”. This means that divorce was never designed to be necessary, but after the fall of man, the heart of man became increasingly hardened to the will of God, so God condescended and allowed a divorce to take place. Jesus, being God, understandably could never affirm that divorce should be a legitimate course of action because from the first marriage (Adam and Eve), marriage was intended to be for life.

Jesus continued this teaching in verses 6 through 8, that God’s hand is the effectual marrying agent, and not legally binding contracts or a mere agreement made by the candidates for marriage. Jesus finishes this teaching by stating that the two are “no more twain, but one flesh”.

This same teaching is previously recorded in the book of Matthew Chapter 19.

Matthew 19:4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made [them] at the beginning made them male and female,
Matthew 19:5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?
Matthew 19:6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
Matthew 19:7 They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?
Matthew 19:8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.
Matthew 19:9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except [it be] for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

Here we see that Jesus further elucidates the intention of God concerning the Mosaic law, that it was never God’s intention to allow divorcement of a marriage that God had joined together. In fact, a bill of divorcement, being a legal document could never supersede God’s sovereign act of joining those two people together

4.The Confusion

There arises the obvious question then, since a legal written bill of divorcement cannot negate a true marriage, then how can a legal marriage ceremony affirm or solidify a true marriage. In other words, a marriage ceremony… no matter how sincere or elaborate, can not make a man and a woman married in the eyes of God. According to Jesus Christ, only God Himself can join a man and woman together in Holy Matrimony. Now, according to Catholic tradition and in Catholic marriages, the Priest acts as the Vicar to stand in the place of God and make the pronouncement of marriage… but Biblically this should not be the case. As an officiant of a Christian marriage, it might be more biblically congruent to make an ‘announcement’ of the legal marriage, with the expectation that God has sovereignly performed the joining act; but it should not be assumed that the actual joining of the the two flesh’s is done in the wedding ceremony vicariously through the officiant.

If this is the case, and the wedding ceremony does not actually join the man and woman as one flesh in the sight of God, then it stands to reason that there are some who go through the actions of a legal marriage, but were never intended to be joined together by God. To defend this line of reasoning, there are other acts that are done which suppose to confirm something spiritual, but are done amiss. For instance, many people who were never saved by God are inadvertently baptized in Church… but this doesn’t mean the person in question was saved. Legal homosexual marriages are being performed and are legally binding in some states… but it would be absurd to think these marriages were valid in the sight of God because anyone who knows anything of Biblical teaching knows that according to Matthew 19:15 a marriage is only between a man and woman.

Just as it should not be assumed that a person is truly saved (which is in essence marriage to Christ), it should not be assumed that a man and woman are truly married. Although an affirmation is made by a candidate for baptism, and upon inspection they are found to be legitimate candidates because they “seem” to us to be saved. We can baptize them with a measure of certainty that they are saved, but we cannot know for sure, neither should we make any absolute affirmation or contradiction to their salvation.

Marriage between a man and a woman should be no different. Just as a person’s eternal security in Christ cannot be absolutely known by anyone but that person and God Himself, a marriage between a man and a woman will only be absolutely known to be God ordained by the man and woman themselves. Although we can observe the subsequent life of a new Christian, and make an educated supposition about the validity of their eternal security; and we can also make the same kind of observations of a marriage to ‘assume’ it’s validity, but again, we can never know for sure.

5.The Effects of the Confusion

In our day, the marriage ceremony is typically considered to be the ‘marrying agent’. And if the marriage is legally binding in the province or State in which it was performed, it is considered to be bound in heaven, but as I have explained above, this is not necessarily the case in every, or possibly, most marriages.

Since all lost people who don’t understand spiritual things believe by default that the wedding ceremony is the marrying agent, it seems that many Christians have succumbed to this way of thinking and have adopted this same philosophy about marriage. Christians completely ignore the true marrying agent… which is God Himself. Subsequently, Christians and non Christians alike go about marrying and giving in marriage without any concern for the will and purpose of God almighty. This is an indication of the days we are living in which were also indicative of the days Noah lived in…

Luke 17:27 They did eat, they drank, they married wives, they were given in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark, and the flood came, and destroyed them all.

Of course it’s not wrong to marry, or for a man to give himself in marriage, so long as it’s ordained by God. But in the case of those who were living apostate lives before the Great Flood, they had no concern for the things of God, and they had no fear whatsoever of their impending doom. Likewise, in our day, many are marrying and giving themselves in marriage without any concern for the purposes of God, and without any knowledge or fear of their impending doom.

By no means is this right in the sight of God, to give yourself in marriage legally without considering the will and purpose of God. The only thing they can be found guilty of is gross negligence regarding the marriage ceremony. And if they have consummated the marriage sexually they are guilty of fornication… not adultery. This is the reason Jesus made the allotment for divorce “for the cause of fornication” in Matthew 5:32.

Matthew 5:32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

Why didn’t Jesus say it would be lawful to put away your wife for the cause of “adultery” in that verse? Maybe because the marriages he is referring to are legal marriages that were never ordained by God to begin with. For this reason, extra-marital sex while in a “legal marriage” only is not considered by God to be adultery because the marriage is not a real marriage to begin with. But, as Jesus stated, if the divorce is for any reason other than “fornication” than the parties are guilty of adultery should they engage in sex with anyone else. This is the only way to interpret this verse in the context which it was intended. Remember, during the discourse with the Pharisees, Jesus denied the validity of the Mosaic law and strove to show the truth to them that divorce was NEVER an option in a God ordained marriage. So, for Jesus to say “saving for the cause of fornication”, He was not contradicting himself by first claiming divorce was never allowed, then saying it is allowed for a certain circumstance. There is no other valid interpretation but to say that the divorce which is valid in the case of fornication, is a marriage that was never valid in the first place as it was a marriage which was not ordained by God, and therefore, not a marriage.

6.A Guilty Conviction

In a true marriage in which God has joined a man and woman, there is no way out, for any reason, whatsoever. According to Matthew 5:32, if a man and woman are truly married and they put each other away for another person, they are absolutely guilty of adultery. Not only that, anyone who legally marries either one of them have themselves committed adultery because in the eyes of God the original marriage is still valid. No man can put asunder what God has joined together. Just as no man can take away a saved person’s eternal security.

But, in the case of a legal marriage, or State recognized legally binding union which was entered into ignorantly by two unsaved people, or unlearned Christians, the only guilty conviction that can be laid on them is for the sin of fornication. Very simply… there was never a marriage to begin with, so in the eyes of God, there is no divorce. The divorce in that case is only recognizable by the State, and is only relevant as pertaining to legal issues and privileges.

7.Problems with Interpretation

Some problems I see today with the interpretation of the institution of Marriage, the allotments made for divorce, and the judgments made concerning people who have supposedly broken the laws of a fictitious New Testament theonomy are these…

Interpretation: Marriage has been misinterpreted in our society as being equal to a legally binding contract between two people. This simply is not the case. God joins the man and woman together and He doesn’t need a ceremony to do so. The ceremony is merely a celebration of the marriage union. By misinterpreting the marriage union, we negate the sanctified purpose the marriage serves which is to illustrate the relationship a believer has with their savior Jesus Christ.

Divorce: As was stated, and was clearly taught by Jesus Christ, divorce for married couple who is truly married and joined together by God, is not an option for any reason whatsoever. But, all too often Jesus’ teaching is misinterpreted to mean that there is allotment made for couples who are married to get a divorce for the reason of adultery in the marriage. Nowhere does Jesus teach that adultery is a justifiable reason for divorce. Although Jesus does teach that a legal divorce in the case of a marriage that never existed in the eyes of God is absolutely justifiable, but the parties are then guilty of fornication. To misconstrue Jesus’ teaching in this matter is a very serious issue because allowing divorce for the cause of adultery in a true marriage would seem to indicate that an action on our part could change the will of God concerning marriage. Since according to 1 Corinthians 7:14 the marriage is sanctified by God to illustrate the Christ-Christian relationship… allowing a divorce for the purpose of adultery would seem to indicate that Jesus was teaching, through the marriage illustration, that a saved believer could lose their salvation. This is absolutely not the case, and to be congruent with the whole of scripture it should be understood that in the case of a true marriage, divorce is NEVER allowed. Paul also explicates this point in 1 Corinthians 7:1-13.

Theonomy: Another false interpretation of Jesus teaching is that He was imposing a legal mandate on the Christian when He spoke about divorce. This interpretation is evident by the way Jesus’ teaching is interpreted. Most people see the teaching of Jesus in Matthew 5:32 as a law which is added to the Old Testament Theonomy (God rules by law), and see the allotment for divorce as an addendum to the law. This is simply fallacious. Jesus didn’t come to enforce the Old Testament law, and He didn’t come to impose new laws … he came to save us from the law that could never save us.

Romans 7:6 But now we are delivered from the law, that being dead wherein we were held; that we should serve in newness of spirit, and not [in] the oldness of the letter.

Jesus died for us because we in our sins were totally depraved and were incapable of keeping the law. Therefore the law that God gave could never save us, but only served to show us our sinfulness. Jesus Christ came to deliver us from the law that couldn’t save us. Again, God, through the Apostle Paul, used marriage to illustrate salvation and freedom from the law…

Romans 7:2 For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to [her] husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of [her] husband.
Romans 7:3 So then if, while [her] husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.
Romans 7:4 Wherefore, my brethren, ye also are become dead to the law by the body of Christ; that ye should be married to another, [even] to him who is raised from the dead, that we should bring forth fruit unto God.

A woman who is alive and married is bound to be married to her husband as long she lives. Just as man was bound to the law as long as the law lived. But when her husband dies, she is free to marry another. Likewise, we who were once under the law, have crucified our selves with Christ and are dead to the law and are essentially married to Christ.

Why then do some teach that the Christian life is a Theonomy? Christ is the head of every saved person, and each believer is ruled by Christ; not the written law or “theonomy”. By misconstruing the teachings of Christ to be Christain laws, we are essentially teaching a false gospel.

8. Conclusion

It’s easy for a Christian to fall into the trap of ‘accusing the brethren’. In fact, it makes us feel good to somehow think we are better than someone else because we haven’t committed a sin as great as their own, just like the Jews who brought the adulteress to Jesus who was caught in the very act of adultery. These Jews were no doubt proud of themselves that they hadn’t committed such a heinous crime, and to convict her of adultery and perform the necessary execution would doubtlessly pacify their own personal pride. Rather than judging the adulteress, Jesus in His infinite wisdom turned to the woman’s accusers and made them realize their own sinfulness, at which point, not one of them was able to accuse her any longer. Then Jesus in his infinite mercy forgave her of her sin.

In fact, there is not one person in the world that is any more worthy of God’s grace, or God’s work than that adulteress. Psalm 116:11 states that every man is a liar, and the Apostle Paul reiterates this statement in Romans 3:4 and adds; “That thou mightest be justified in thy sayings, and mightest overcome when thou art judged”. According to the David the Psalmist, and the Apostle Paul there is not one person alive or dead who is not guilty of lying. Although in our society lying is considered acceptable behavior, the Bible is very clear that lying is as detestable as adultery or fornication…

Romans 1:29 Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers,
Romans 1:32 Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.
Revelation 21:8 But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.

It seems hypocritical to me that liars (which we now know ALL men are) would find place to pass judgment on anyone else, seeing how obviously detestable lying is in the sight of God.

Who then is capable of passing judgment on another person’s sinfulness? Christ alone is capable of making that judgment. Who is capable of judging whether a person is saved? Christ alone is capable of making that judgment. And who is capable of judging whether a man or woman is truly married or if they are divorced for the cause of fornication? Again, Christ alone is capable of making that judgment. Let’s leave the judging to the one who is able to judge the nations.

Revelation 19:1-2 And after these things I heard a great voice of much people in heaven, saying, Alleluia; Salvation, and glory, and honour, and power, unto the Lord our God: For true and righteous [are] his judgments: for he hath judged the great whore, which did corrupt the earth with her fornication, and hath avenged the blood of his servants at her hand.

Romans 8:1 [There is] therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.